Free Speech Without Consequences For All – Sunday Satire


This week our former Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has used his comic bumbling persona once again.

He published his words of wisdom as a highly educated public minister who attended one of the top rated Universities in the world and has aspirations of being the United Kingdoms Prime Minister.

We all had to peek from behind our hands to see what he said this time… didn’t we? Come on, you know you did.

Jacob Rees Mogg that jolly man that won the birth lottery with the funny hat and big house that us lowly taxpayers paid to have refurbished congratulated Boris for his extraordinary insight on the lack of bare flesh shown by women wearing a niqab.

Women across the UK threw off their burqas and niqabs because of Mr. Johnson’s liberating words. They danced wearing only Nikinis through the streets shouting we love you Boris whilst videos of the scantily clad women broke the internet.

Tories everywhere shouted ‘There is nothing wrong with being a representative of a country’s democratic establishment and writing in a popular mainstream newspaper that women wearing Niqabs and burqas look like letterboxes or robbers.

There was absolutely no possibility that this could upset anyone, or create a more hostile environment for an already stigmatised group of people, it’s just a joke they squealed.

So why such a silly unwarranted ruckus about all of this jolliness?

Boris Johnson has had to go into hiding since his column was published because people who aren’t tories have been bullying him and being downright horrid, meany people.

The Oxford English Dictionary has come up with a new definition for this Boris hostility. Bophobia is now considered the new free speech faux pas and Mr. Bean has spoken against Bophobia we believe his exact words were ‘Bean’ followed by some strange buzzing noises, then he started talking to a teddy bear.

Bophobia is a serious form of hate speech and we should all do what we can to stomp it out by saying… No to Bo!

Boris Johnson and his supporters believe in fighting for our free speech. Opposers of Boris are not attacking free speech, people have the right to say what they want but that free speech comes with consequences.

Boris’s supporters hail Free speech without consequences as the dawn of a new age, everyone should be able to say what they want and damn the consequences of those words.

‘Consequences are only for naughty children that don’t pass our silly phonics nonsense and real words test for five-year-olds’ says top tory education inexpert.

Boris Johnson promises that if he becomes Prime Minister anyone can say what they want and no one can question it or stand you in the naughty corner.

Free speech with no consequences for all!

Following this news, the BBC is choosing a different method of speech…

The no informing or educating speech technique.

#BBCSwitchOFF trended at number one worldwide on Twitter with 164,000 tweets as people protested against the BBC’s use of the ‘no IE speech technique’ or the ‘spin speech technique’ or worst of all the ‘Nigel Farage on again technique’.

The BBC piloted their policy of ‘no IE speech’ regarding a bombed bus full of Yemeni children on their way back from a picnic and wrote an article about the correct way to curtsey instead.

Thank you, BBC, if we are ever in the presence of our Etonian upper elite betters we will now know how to give them the proper respect they deserve!


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